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Blonde Ambition
By Kristy Davison
Photos Courtesy of Cate Scott and Paul Davison
Have you ever been on a “swell adventure” with local wildman
Lorne Short?
If not, take heed that the adventure begins at sun-up with
a quick jaunt out to Lake Louise and back on the road bike,
punctuated by sprint races, which you will never win despite
the fact that Shorty is likely riding with one broken leg
dangling in a cast and his good leg duct taped to the other
pedal.
This walk in the park is followed by a gleefully grueling
session of “getting huge” at the gym. Keep in mind, he may
have a couple of broken ribs from a recent mountain bike,
cross-country ski or chainsaw-related accident (“A day is
not done ‘til he’s drawn blood,” according to comrade, Gary
Olauson), so he’ll only be able to lift twice as much as you.
You’d better throw back a banana and some Gatorade because
you’re about to embark on a 30-kilometre mountain bike “race”
at the Nordic Centre. Having fun yet? Still feel like chirping
him about the holes in his rugby shirt and the duct tape on
his shoes? If you plead for a breather, he’ll throw out the
age-old excuse “I can’t stop, my knee’ll lock up for good.
We gotta keep going.” Nice one, Shorty, you mutter to yourself.
It’s true, he is trying to kill you.
Dinner and dancing follow. According to his wife, Cate Scott,
he views dancing as another opportunity to push his limits.
And of course he does. Like a sprightly wolverine with an
impeccable sense of rhythm, he’ll proceed to dazzle you with
pirouettes and air-kicks as you run for cover.
Why does he do it? Does he just have more energy to burn
that the rest of us, or is he nuts? Word has it he’s “cramming”—getting
in as much as he can, while he still can, after a lifetime
of battering his body to a pulp. It’s a miracle of modern
medicine, and a testament to his will, that this guy can even
move, let alone outclass you at pretty much everything.
So the next time you’re out enjoying the trails, give a wave
as “that old grey-haired (or is it blonde, Shorty?) dude from
Canmore” blows by, leaving you wide-eyed with a mouthful of
dust and a shrunken ego.
Special thanks to Gareth Thompson, Gary and Penny Olauson,
and Cate Scott for their heartwarming anecdotes.
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